Why I am Still a Christian (Even After Being Kicked Out)

I've felt this way so many times. Anyone else?

Every Sunday, without fail, my family had the same routine. We woke up, got dressed in our best, went to the 10 AM service, and then finished off the morning with our favorite Chinese Buffet (well, as Chinese as you could get in Hermitage, TN). It was called the Golden Dragon, and it sat perfectly wedged between a carwash and a Wal-Mart. Things have changed since the mid-nineties. Now, the Chinese buffet turned into a Hooters (that's closed), and the Wal-Mart turned into a Hobby Lobby, Big Lots, and Goodwill. Times change, people grow, but if you're to believe the writer of Hebrews, Jesus remains the same "Yesterday, today, and forever." (Heb. 13:8).

But if that is so, and Christ's representatives on Earth are His followers, then why have they changed? People grow as individuals, but we as humans don't usually change within our patterns. If that's true, then why has Christianity changed so much in the almost 2000 years of its existence? From its humble beginnings as an offshoot of Judaism to now, much of Christianity exists in the modern view as a racist, bigoted, and nationalistic cult that rose to power with MAGA and Trump. At least, that's the perception of Christianity that's the loudest across the Western World.

That is not the Christianity I claim.

If you're curious, I created a belief statement [Link to beliefs {Unlisted on website}] as to what exactly I believe. This was not a statement that came lightly. It rose from experience. It rose from the deep study, meditations, and conversations gained through the Masters of Divinity I earned at Lipscomb University. It's a belief that permeates through my writing and envelops my everyday life, from how I talk to my best friend to how I interact with strangers. Putting it simply, it's love, and that's why I'm still a Christian, even though I was kicked out three times from three different churches.

I broke it down into three reasons.

1) Past Life Experiences

No, I'm not talking about experiences I've had during past lives. Whether I have past lives or not is moot. That's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about experiences I've undergone in my past.

When I was the Youth Pastor of a small church in Mt. Juliet, TN. Look at that beard! (circa 2021).

Without going into too much detail, I'm talking about my entire past (which could be a book by itself, but that's for another time). I've had visions. I've dreamed prophetic dreams. The Holy Spirit has directed me to places and used me in ways I never thought possible. God has spoken to me through people, to me, and even spoke through me on different occasions to different people, and He's given me knowledge before I was officially taught it in university. I've documented each experience thoroughly and seen doctors who either tell me I'm crazy or believe me. I've flicked off God and repented for it. I've been called into the ministry twice and three times, hired and subsequently fired from churches.

In the past, I've used those experiences as reasons to lead me towards fear. This was incorrect. Fear is the opposite of love, and it is the opposite of what I believe. Fear is a tricky emotion and line of logic. When fear is the basis of a belief, it tricks its believers into thinking that they're doing the right thing, when all they do is hate. There's the mentality that they're "saving someone" from an evil that they believe exists. They fear the unseen, the unprovable, and thus, they take everything literally, grasping for any hope they can. To put things in their language, they're warning people of a cliff ahead. What they can't see is that the cliff is a small crack. This fear-based system is the equivalent of "stepping on a crack will break your mother's back." They do more danger from fear, which is fear's goal (if an emotion could have a goal), than they would do if their belief system were based in love. And because they're stuck in a fear-based belief system, they're unable to see the actual damage their "love" is causing to those around them.

The experiences I've had paired inexplicably well with the teachings I learned through deep study in the seminary, and I learned a new belief system that I carry with me. It's based on love at its core. There's nothing to spiritually fear, and without that spiritual fear, the physical fears and mental fears persist, but those are much easier to prove as fact or fiction. Thus, they can be mitigated. To see everything from a "Biblical perspective," which some of those in the Christian faith claim to see things, there ought to be a pair of glasses on the person's face (for lack of a better metaphor). The lenses in those glasses ought to be made of love, not fear, for an accurate portrayal of how the Law, the Prophets, the Gospels, the Letters of Paul, and the Epistles all depict the world - to love Himself.

2) Progressive Theology

This "love-based view of the world" is known to many as "Progressive Theology." It's a theology that accepts and welcomes people where they are for who they are, not for what they could potentially be. Jesus Himself was viewed as a progressive when He walked and taught through the Ancient Near East. There's a TV series that places this style of theology in a wonderful frame, and it's THE CHOSEN (link to the show's website). In the season 2 finale, Jesus (Jonathan Roumie) gives Matthew (Paras Patel) a map of where to find Jesus and His followers. He gives him the Beatitudes, as shown below, and read in Matthew 5:3-10.

I went through a mental breakdown as a result of a minor traumatic brain injury sustained on my last patrol on my submarine, a miscarriage, and a flashback to past sexual abuse. It took two years for me to get my symptoms under control, and three more years to completely recover. During these five years, I grew closer to God in study. He had called me into the ministry for the second time while I was deployed previously, and now that I had started my undergrad, my focus grew in knowing Him. I was broken. I knew what it meant to have nothing and have someone think they know me because they claim they dated in high school or something else remotely close. The Beatitudes were essential, particularly verse 3, "Blessed are those who are poor in spirit..." That was me. My spirit was broken. I was but a shadow of my former self, and it was through this loving devotion that I found in the very real connection to the Almighty that helped me. It was His hands moving through the doctors, therapists, social workers, and occupational therapists that allowed me to see the connections between His lessons of love and devotion in the real world. They showed me what "loving your neighbor" really looked like, and to put it in the words of internet comedian Stephen He, "Don't be a dick."

Progressive Theology isn't really "progressive." It's simply not being a dick to people. It's being nice and loving them for who they are. It's literally treating everyone to the same level as I would want to be treated. However, in a society where the powers of control stem from the traditions of a belief based in fear, "not being a dick" is considered radical. There is more than could be said on this topic, just by itself, but let's save that for another time.

3) Christian Universalism

This reason is a branch of the Christian fixation I've had ever since I returned to the faith in 2012. Christian Universalism teaches one basic truth: salvation for everyone. It stems from the faith through various chapters and verses, but most notably being the collected term "all." Everyone, not just those who believe in him, has salvation. There's no "Lake of Fire." There's no eternal damnation. There's love and the understanding of love. There is Christ in the center of that love, which is what makes Christian Universalism different than any branch of Spiritualism or Universalism. It's a minor section of Christianity, mainly because it denies the doctrine of hell, basing it on not being of Biblical origin.

When I discovered this theology, I finally had a name for the belief system I'd found that made the most sense to me over the years. Throughout my studies, and even through my pastoral roles, I could not reconcile how a God that is all-loving, entirely just, sent people who bore His image to an eternal torment for a temporary crime. The closest we, as humans, do to others would be life in prison or the death penalty, but even that sometimes messes up when we convict or kill innocent people. This particular post isn't a dissertation on Christian Universalism or in defense of anything like that. If you do seek that, I would recommend this book, That All Shall Be Saved by David Bentley Hart.

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Protestant Christianity, as it exists now, is a spectrum. On one side, there are the highly erratic, fear-based belief systems that spew hate masked in love. On the other side, there are the Universalists, the ones who don't believe in hell at all, but are often viewed as naive and ignorant. In the middle, there's the traditionalist church (commonly known as the mainline), where the beliefs and traditions come from doctrines of those long gone. There are thousands of Protestant Christian denominations, and not all of them are the same. Like the buffet, the different denominations have different doctrines, traditions, and ways of life. Not all of them are the same. Unfortunately, the loud ones get the temporary attention, driving the knowledge of the King of the Universe away from those He cares for most.

For me, I'm still a Christian because I've experienced God, His peace, and His love. I cannot discount or even throw away the experiences I've had. I cannot chalk those experiences up to anything other than extraordinary. If those experiences were real, then God exists, and if God exists, then how could an all-loving God manipulate beings less than Him into worship and still be considered 'good?' The boxed version of God I'd been served as a child was completely inaccurate. God was placed in a box that was poorly packaged by humans in their feeble attempt to understand and (more importantly) control the perspective of Him. I knew the truth, and it set me free.

With All My Heart,

Geoffrey Breedwell