Why I am Still a Christian (Even After Being Kicked Out)

I've felt this way so many times. Anyone else?

Every Sunday, without fail, my family had the same routine. We woke up, got dressed in our best, went to the 10 AM service, and then finished off the morning with our favorite Chinese Buffet (well, as Chinese as you could get in Hermitage, TN). It was called the Golden Dragon, and it sat perfectly wedged between a carwash and a Wal-Mart. Things have changed since the mid-nineties. Now the Chinese buffet has turned into a Hooters (that's closed), and the Wal-Mart has turned into a Hobby Lobby, Big Lots, and Goodwill. Times change, people grow, but if you're to believe the writer of Hebrews, Jesus remains the same "Yesterday, today, and forever." (Heb. 13:8).

But if that is so, and Christ's representatives on Earth are His followers, then why have they changed? People grow as individuals, but we as humans don't usually change our patterns. If Jesus has been the same, and His followers haven't changed their patterns, then why has Christianity changed so much in the almost 2000 years of its existence? From its humble beginnings as an offshoot of Catholicism to now, much of Western Protestant Christianity exists in the modern view as a racist, bigoted, and nationalistic cult that rose to power with MAGA and Trump. At least, that's the perception of Christianity that's the loudest across my country. That's the Christianity you'll find in many churches throughout North America.

That is not the Christianity I claim.

If you're curious, I created a belief statement about exactly what I believe. This was not a statement that came lightly. It rose from experience. It rose from deep study, meditation, and conversations gained through the Master of Divinity program I completed at Lipscomb University. It's a belief that permeates through my writing and envelops my everyday life, from how I talk to my best friend to how I interact with strangers. Putting it simply, it's love, and that's why I'm still a Christian, even though I was kicked out three times from three different churches.

I broke it down into three reasons.

1) Past Life Experiences

No, I'm not talking about experiences I've had during past lives. Whether I have past lives or not is moot. That's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about experiences I've undergone in my past.

When I was the Youth Pastor of a small church in Mt. Juliet, TN. Look at that beard! (circa 2021).

Without going into too much detail, I'm talking about my entire past (which could be a book by itself, but that's for another time). I've had visions. I've dreamed prophetic dreams. The Holy Spirit has directed me to places and used me in ways I never thought possible. God has spoken to me through people, and even through me to different people, on different occasions; He's given me knowledge before I was officially taught it in university. I've documented each experience thoroughly and seen doctors who either tell me I'm crazy or believe me. I've flicked off God and repented for it. I've been called into the ministry twice and three times, and I've been hired and subsequently fired from churches; twice for doctrinal differences and once because I was a "square peg in a round hole."

In the past, I've used those experiences as reasons to lead me towards fear. This was incorrect. Fear is the opposite of love, and it is the opposite of what I believe. Fear is a tricky emotion and line of logic. When fear is the basis of a belief, it tricks its believers into thinking that they're doing the right thing, when all they do is hate.

There's the mentality that they're "saving someone" from an evil that they believe exists. They fear the unseen, the unprovable, and thus, they take everything literally, grasping for any hope they can. To put things in their language, they're warning people of a cliff ahead. What they can't see is that the cliff is a small crack. This fear-based system is the equivalent of "stepping on a crack will break your mother's back." They do more danger from fear, which is fear's goal (if an emotion could have a goal), than they would do if their belief system were based on love. And because they're stuck in a fear-based belief system, they're unable to see the actual damage their "love" is causing to those around them.

The experiences I've had have paired inexplicably well with the teachings I learned through deep study in the seminary, and I've developed a new belief system that I carry with me. It's based on love at its core. There's nothing to spiritually fear, and without that spiritual fear, the physical fears and mental fears persist, but those are much easier to prove as fact or fiction. Thus, they can be mitigated. To see everything from a "Biblical perspective," which some of those in the Christian faith claim to see things, there ought to be a pair of glasses on the person's face (for lack of a better metaphor). The lenses in those glasses ought to be made of love, not fear, for an accurate portrayal of how the Law, the Prophets, the Gospels, the Letters of Paul, and the Epistles all depict the world - to love Himself.

2) Progressive Theology

This "love-based view of the world" is often known as "Progressive Theology." It's a theology that accepts and welcomes people where they are, for who they are, not for what they could potentially be. Jesus Himself was viewed as a progressive when He walked and taught through the Ancient Near East. There's a TV series that places this style of theology in a wonderful frame, and it's The Chosen. In the season 2 finale, Jesus (Jonathan Roumie) gives Matthew (Paras Patel) a map of where to find Jesus and His followers. He gives him the Beatitudes, as shown below, and read in Matthew 5:3-10.

I went through a mental breakdown as a result of a minor traumatic brain injury sustained on my last patrol on my submarine, a miscarriage, and a flashback to past sexual abuse. It took two years for me to get my symptoms under control, and three more years to completely recover. During these five years, I grew closer to God in study. He had called me into the ministry for the second time while I was deployed, and now that I had started my undergrad, my focus grew as I came to know Him. I was broken. I knew what it meant to have nothing and have someone think they know me because they claim they dated in high school or something else remotely close. The Beatitudes were essential, particularly verse 3, "Blessed are those who are poor in spirit..." That was me. My spirit was broken. I was, but a shadow of my former self, and it was through this loving devotion that I found in the very real connection to the Almighty that helped me. It was His hands moving through the doctors, therapists, social workers, and occupational therapists that allowed me to see the connections between His lessons of love and devotion in the real world. They showed me what "loving your neighbor" really looked like, and to put it in the words of Bowling for Soup and internet comedian Stephen He, "Don't be a dick."

Progressive Theology isn't really "progressive." It's simply not being a dick to people. It's being nice and loving them for who they are. It's literally treating everyone to the same level as I would want to be treated. However, in a society where the powers of control stem from the traditions of a belief based on fear, "not being a dick" is considered radical. There is more than could be said on this topic alone, but let's save that for another time.

3) Christian Universalism

This reason is a branch of the Christian fixation I've had ever since I returned to the faith in 2012. Christian Universalism teaches one basic truth: salvation for everyone. It stems from the faith, as expressed through various chapters and verses, but most notably from the term "all." Everyone, not just those who believe in him, has salvation. There's no "Lake of Fire." There's no eternal damnation. There's love and the understanding of love. There is Christ in the center of that love, which is what makes Christian Universalism different than any branch of Spiritualism or Universalism. It's a minor section of Christianity, mainly because it denies the doctrine of hell, basing it on not being of Biblical origin.

When I discovered this theology, I finally had a name for the belief system I'd found that made the most sense to me over the years. Throughout my studies, and even through my pastoral roles, I could not reconcile how a God that is all-loving, entirely just, sent people who bore His image to an eternal torment for a temporary crime. That would be like sentencing a person to life in prison or the death penalty for something as minor as jaywalking or a broken taillight. This particular post isn't a dissertation on Christian Universalism or in defense of anything like that. If you do seek that, I would recommend this book: That All Shall Be Saved by David Bentley Hart.

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Protestant Christianity, as it exists now, is a spectrum. On one side, there are the highly erratic, fear-based belief systems that spew hate masked in love. On the other side are the Universalists, the ones who don't believe in hell at all, but are often viewed as naive and ignorant. In the middle, there's the traditionalist church (commonly known as the mainline), where the beliefs and traditions come from the doctrines of those long gone. There are thousands of Protestant Christian denominations, and not all of them are the same. Like the buffet, the different denominations have different doctrines, traditions, and ways of life. Each one provides their unique perspective, allowing their taste for the holy to be served during service. Unfortunately, the loudest flavors capture temporary attention, poisoning the King of the Universe's wisdom and love away from those He cares for most.

For me, I'm still a Christian because I've experienced God, His peace, and His love. I cannot discount or even throw away the experiences I've had. I cannot chalk those experiences up to anything other than extraordinary. If those experiences were real, then God exists; if God exists, then He must be omniscient, omnipresent, omnipotent, and omnibenevolent. If that is true, then why would this limitless God need people to worship Him so badly that He would then eternally destroy them for either not believing in Him or disobeying a command they didn't know of?

The boxed Evangelical version of God I'd been served as a child was completely inaccurate. God was placed in a box that was poorly packaged by humans in their feeble attempt to understand and (more importantly) control the perspective of Him.

My experiences and my knowledge bring me to the buffet of God's love for others. I feed on the beautiful diversity of His Creation. This allows me to remain close to Him and be a Christian, while my interactions with those claiming to be of God who want to "save my life" while denying the rights of my children to be anything else but the divine image-bearing humans they are, remain a great challenge. To me, they're a people desperate for love, but they are the hardest to love. Their doctrines and beliefs hide their love in a poison wrapper of fear.

But for me, I know the truth, and it sets me free to enjoy the buffet.

With All My Heart,

Geoffrey Breedwell